Today my mind is on food .

The sky is blue black with snow still to come , the yard was white this morning and massive square white flakes falling at six am when Alice needed to go out . She rings her bell and sits at the top of the stairs waiting for me to collect myself and drag on a robe and negociate a wet patch where Pearl had knocked over a bottle of water which had parted company from its top , and a sausage shaped furball neatly placed where-my-feet-would-land had some sixth sense not warned me of this Monday monring Thing lurking palely by the bed . The cats grimace as I leave , any departure from the bed causing a shift in the waterlevel disturbing a tenuous equilibrium as one cat rolls unintentionally closer to another .

Toby and Jess are too close and start a spitting contest down at the foot of the bed . As they fire up Jess reminds me of an engine turning over half heartedly and Toby stares in disgust . Pathetic! He turns over and falls asleep shifting his position slightly to concede either her stronger position or ( more likely ) his Not Bothering state of mind . Perhaps he too has noted the snow .

Alice is full of herself in greyhound fashion , stretching elegantly and then hurrying to the back door . She trots out ready to head for the far gate where she likes to squat just out of sight ( dignity being her thing ) then feeling the snow underfoot puts the brakes on sharply and heads back indoors pressing up against me . I advise her accordingly and attempt to send her out again but there is a battle of wills which finally results in my having to recall all I ever learned about dealing with toddlers ( restate your case very simply over and over until you get what you want , dont enter into debate ) , with me stating " Alice , go out and do a wee " and Alice looking appealingly back towards the sitting room doubtless thinking What ? youre joking ? Go back out in that when I could park myself on the pale blue / grey carpet and be done in seconds in the warm , no one hurt in the process ? Hey I'd even get that odour free stain resist pet deterrant carpet clean spray out myself if it saved my toes the agony of stepping out in this .....

What can I tell you ? I won the battle people ....she finally gave way and trotted off and did her stuff and sneezed loudly in embarrasment on her return .

And I went back to bed and finished my Patrick Gale A Subtle Obscurity or was it a Sweet Obscurity . Anyway , it was good and its still snowing and Nat is on hols and we are on track for the gym or a swim or some healthy thing and all I can think about is lattes and cakes done up in fancy papers .

I saw an angel

and a cockerpoo yesterday . The cockerpoo was parked up outside the fish and chip shop and our attention was drawn because of the missing Josh Schnauser dog who was also tied up . We worried as we saw the man tying up the little skipping white dog , then as we watched and reassured ourselves that in fact he could see the dog from his place in the queue , and in fact was making hand signals to it imploring it to behave , we realised it was Nat' s maths teacher . Irritating I guess to be a teacher and unable to buy a pie and chips without having your every move watched and your skills as a dog trainer assessed ( we were impressed , though amused at the way the dog re started its skipping the minute his back was turned ).
The angel manifested at four am , in the bathroom mosaic mirror , and stood out clear and white against the tiles . I thought of fetching the camera , but .... somehow it seemed a sacrilege .

At 7 30 am my sister arrived and we went to town for our bi annual pilgrimage to the Bobbi Brown counter . Upon our return I received numerous e mails informing me that Michael White ( narrative therapist ) died early in the morning .

Migraine Day ?

Freddie's Dad Tim has posted that the bench they planned in memory of baby Fred has been sited now at the zoo opposite where they live . There are pictures of the bench and the plaque and an amazing photograph of a butterfly coming to rest near them as they looked at the bench for the first day . Butterflies were very significant when their baby was dying and would appear and settle near them and it I hope they found some solace and meaning in this particular apparition . We Love You Freddie. They will be having another baby soon and there is a great photograph of Rachel looking lovely on the bench . I wonder if the baby is a girl or a boy ?

Yesterday was a funny old day . A very productive morning , walking the dog in what felt like spring temperatures ( up to 15degrees at one time yet snow is forecast for the weekend ) , finishing lots of menial tasks around and about , including much dropping off here and there . My final port of call was to be a trip to the new food hall at the Marks and Spencer newly opened nearby and a Starbucks coffee and perusal of the books in Borders by way of reward for completion of above . The old familiar signs of migraine creeping on didn't deter me . Taking heavy duty preventive medication which renders me drowsy at the best of times and somewhat inarticulate at the worst of times ( a common side effect is the inability to find common words and Im frequently floundering and waiting for people to fill in the gaps , ugh ) makes the migraines less in your face and leaves me feeling I should be able to continue with my daily life without giving way and taking to my bed . ( Pig headed I can be . )
I press on , driving up to M and S feeling vaguely ok , knowing I don't need much , more wanting just to look and pick up a few things and the coffee is more of a treat after all . If I really feel bad by then I can always get a take out and drink at home .
In the check out at M and S the staff are all newly appointed , bright eyed and bushy tailed . Vanessa is particularly engaging , youngish and with a sparkle about her . She asks me how I am today , which is still rare in British shops , and then tries to interest me in some blueberry puffs which are selling with a bogof offer ( and oh how long it was before I worked out what a bogof was ! ) . I decline , already starting to feel queasy , and as she gestures towards the bunches of narcissi asking brightly " how about daffodils then " I decline again feeling I am letting the side down but as the yawning is starting which is usually a clear indication that Vomiting is not far off , I start to feel irritable and almost as I did a couple of weeks ago when I found myself speaking in tongues at the M and S robot machine . Vanessa composes herself in the face of such an awkward customer , drawing back slightly , and makes do with informing me that she herself consumed one of the very fruity indeed blueberry low fat biopot yoghurts for breakfast and it was just brilliant . ( Makes do was not the word I wanted . This Topamax is a pain ) . I gather up my shopping and hurry off .

I hesitate outside Starbucks . The sensible thing to do is obvious . Into the car and off home before I decline further . But I had set my heart on a latte and maybe even a granola bar or a muffin . I'm tired of admitting defeat and taking to my bed . If I had a cat to feed , I would manage it fine . If I had a report to do for the Day Job , or an interview to conduct , or an Assessment , most days I would Manage . Just because I'm completely free shouldn't not mean I can just give in to Immigran and fall asleep . The debate in my head rages as I climb the stairs . Before I know it , I have a ginger muffin ( good for sickness ) in my bag , a coffee on a cardboard tray in my hand , and the contents of my stomach are in the Starbucks lavatories .
Result?

I drive home slowly , take my pills , collect Alice despite the No Dogs on the water bed Rule , and fall asleep reading Patrick Gale , fully clad .

Kitty is horrified at the dog's arrival on the bed , but stays firmly in place , as does Pearl . Toby arrives half an hour later , flattening his ears as he spots the big black skinny thing but after arching his back half heartedly for a minute decides he can't be bothered to take a stand if no one else is putting themselves out .

Later in the evening , after my head clears , and I say a silent prayer to the drugs companies who invented Topamax and Immigran which despite their side issues allow me to spend more of my time in the land of the living if not fully compos mentis , I walk for an hour with D , we meet a large boy greyhound called Thomas and ( even later ) further family revelations (not blogging material at this stage) remind me once again of just how steadfast and loyal children are to their parents no matter how badly they have been let down , and how much I admire my lovely feisty daughter , who if she applies herself and decides its what she wants to do , has the potential to make a very fine barrister in her future life . She has qualities which take my breath away .

Guest Posting ... Koala Sheep

Koala Sheep lives in rural Northumberland , enjoys climbing trees and trout fishing . Not for sale .

Scnnauser Dog missing from Whitley Bay

More pictures of missing Josh , taken from Whitley bay last Sunday .

Previous post gives more information .

I try not to imagine what his family is going through . More important to focus on spreading the word and if you live nearby as I do , keeping eyes open and starting conversations with other dog lovers when out an d about . Dog walkers are usually happy to chat on the beaches and if he is still in the area its just possible that someone may spot him . Schnausers are not that common which makes it a little easier .

LOST DOG Whitley Bay Area Schnauser

This little dog has been lost or stolen from Whitley Bay . Please keep your eyes open for him .

Please see attached e mail which was circulated by one of my friends .



Hello Collegues.
My little Schnauser dog Josh was stolen from outside Park View shopping centre, Whitley Bay on Sunday 30th March between 15;40 and 15:55. Josh was tied to a dog ring next to the bus stop outside the centre. We have contacted the police, checked the CCTV and have posted notices around the town.
It is unlikely however that he is still in the area and so I am appealing to all dog lovers in the north to help me get Josh back.
My little dog is eleven years old and nobody will care for him the way I do.
Please contact me on 0191 2578818 with any information. Here are some pictures of Josh to show your friends and relatives.
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Allan Helmrich

Our Pig of the Day , welcoming Maisie

Not long after we acquired our wonderful Pearl , a blue point Birman kitten , my sister and I were looking at guinea pigs in a garden centre and spotted the lovely Maisie who was then a baby and was definitely in the style of the chocolate point Birmans and just could not be left there . Here she is some years later situated on the sofa with attandant broccoli .

I wonder if Joan reads Silliyak's blog and has noted the stir caused by Smeagoul ?Silliyak: BABY NAMING CONTEST!!!!! I hope so .