Pearl , the Senior Birman , pictured above , has been off colour for a while .
We have not hurried to the vet with her because a) she hates that so much , and b) in between lying looking forlorn and squirting from both ends she has been her usual mischevious self shying nail files and clocks and so forth at the not-so-skinny- greyhound from her vantage point on the mantelpiece much as usual. She has even piddled in Alice's bed three nights on the trot . But we begin to wonder if this is a sign of Distress rather than (Conduct) Disorder when she fails to appear as usual to sit on D's lap and nip his elbow at her leisure , preferring instead to rest languidly draped over the guinea pig hutch in the kitchen away from the mainstream of family life.
So I whisk her away to the vet this afternoon , ignoring point c) its quite expensive.
As we draw up in the village the heavens open and Pearl emits a low moan like that of a labouring heifer. I know , I think , heading for the ticket machine and trying to draw Nat's too small jacket closer round me . She is safely ( or perhaps not so safely in Majorca, we hear there are more bombs. I try not to think ) on holiday and has no need of coats with hoods. The waiting room is full and we are so relieved to find a seat that it is fifteen minutes before I remember to sign us onto the List . Thus we are last on said list . I watch three other animals arrive and their Owners with Brains sign them in in front of me . Finally the penny drops . I have only been doing this for some twenty years .....

Finally , after an hour's wait , during which we watch our neighbour's dog Charlie emerge complete with Lampshade round the neck, we are seen and Pearl is diagnosed with a possible tapeworm , or ( the alternate diagnosis ) Irritable Bowel Syndrome .
She has two injections and a tablet is prescribed which the vet will give . Which the vet will attempt to give .

Pearl thinks not .
We wrap her in a pale green towel , very tasteful , her paws out of sight to stop them tearing us to shreds and she is backed up against me . Quick as a flash she reverses down inside the tube of the towel , lashes at the vet ( perhaps apologetically , after all they are both very blonde and very lovely) and then sits back and waits , mouth firmly closed . "Hm " says the vet . "Very fast and Very feisty".
We re wrap . The vet weighs her up . She stands back and examines her finger . I try not to look at the damage .

She decides to call for assistance .

The nurse comes in and after a fight it goes very quiet . Pearl is wrapped in the towel . Only her little face pokes out . Suddenly she goes completely limp .

" Oh . " says the vet " Have you given up , has the fight gone out of you? "

I massage her heart , worried . They trigger the pill down and squirt water after it . Pearl makes a pill face . She is not pleased . They lift her up . She flops . They unwrap her . She stands up . She looks round at everyone .
I wonder who will pay the price later .

Back at home she rubs happily against everyone and doesn't seem offended in the slightest . Perhaps she didnt notice I was there ? Or perhaps she has a cunning plan .