CatCaller learns to clip Piggy Toenails

Cleaning pigster cage this afternoon and notice both guinea pigs skipping about on long curly nails . Hmm , a visit from auntie Laura with the nail clipppers in her handbag long overdue , I decide the nails are Too Bad and settle myself with a towel on my lap , a pair of human nail clippers at the ready , greyhound watching at a safe distance , and specs on the end of my nose . I put off the evil moment by reading the Observer magazine from cover to cover then ask D to transfer Hedgehog , the Pig with whom I feel the strongest affinity ( and the one least likely to nip me ? ). H settles in happily for a cuddle then notices the tension mounting on my face and looks up at me . Alice looks at me too . D starts hoovering indoors . Great !
I pick up the clippers , take a tentative grip on Pig's foot , which she immediately snatches back , affronted , and tucks in under her extensive tummies , three warning grunts letting me know where I stand .
Hmm . ( again ) .
The neighbours are in their yard too , obviously reading and talking about something soothing and easy , Sunday -like . I wish I was them .
Alice glances at me . Now what ?
Now what indeed ?
I breathe in and out , deeply and start again . That last effort didnt happen . It is a new toe nail .

I put down the clippers and stroke Piggy gently .. she wiggles and settles . The sun shines on us both and the cloud slips away . This is better . This we can both do . Alice sinks down onto her towel , and sighs heavily . No sweat .

I breathe again . I remind myself about this breathing . Maybe I should be doing this more often . Its really quite relaxing , de stressing . Hedgehog shuffles further , presses against me , she is so so sweet . I am tempted to throw the clippers to the bottom of the yard , settle in myself and snooze off in the sun ... but where would that leave us . Get a grip woman !

I slide my hand round again for that little elusive foot ... where is it hidden now ?

I am seven years old , in my grandma's hen house , helping her collect eggs from the nesting boxes , from under the hens , who are sitting on top of the eggs . Horrors , my hand has to go in under the hen to get the egg . I stand there dithering , scared , whilst my sister , aged five , ever feistier than me , shoots in the hand, grabs the egg and brings it out , triumphant ,and then tries to explain how to do it : " Just put your hand in , quick ! " . I try , half hearted , and the hen , sensing my panic , stabs at me with her pointy beak , her wattles shaking in disgust .

Here I am again , trying to hold the guinea pig's foot with courage and confidence and I am seven again and how many times have I watched Laura do it with ease , hold the foot , steady the toes even as the pig kicks , clucking reassuringly and snip ! the nail is history !

I can do it ! I can ! I will .

Alice raises herself again to watch and I catch her eye .

I have a plan . Pig and I are going to relax for ten minutes , then when she is relaxed , I am going to snip off a tiny bit of the nails without holding the feet , which is what is making us anxious .
The feet are beginning to splay out from under her as she is settling and falling against me , and in a few minutes I will just slide the clippers against each nail and trim off a tiny bit . There is no question . It is going to be a success.

And there you have it .

We succeed .

Alice smiles at me .
Hedgehog is a relaxed Pig and Tinkerbell can't wait for her turn ......

Phew !