Mutiny at the Make up Counter

After the bi annual foray to the Bobbi Brown counter on Saturday I can feel another trip there building up and after some slight hesitation which soon wears off as I sit self-talking whilst gobbling a Pret yoghurt ( oh dear Greek style with granola and some sort of berries , let's hope Laura is not reading this ) I head back there intent on making a purchase .

The luminous liquid foundation in sand ( probably , though not categorically as I have omitted to check the card the make up artist kindly provided me for just such future purchases ) .

I am attended by a different "artist" ( though not aware that this was their status ) this time , who suggests she check my colour again as she was unable to locate " my card " .
This involves my sitting on a swivel chair and having a light shone on me , my old make up , what was left of it , removed ( although come to think of it there would have been mighty little left after the walk on the beach , the swim with Nat , walk to the vets in the hailstones etc etc ), and three stripes of different colours applied to my chin region . She then steps well back and looks hard . And looks again , and grimaces and frowns and makes me turn sideways . ( Oh no not my face in profile ... ) .
What I had assumed would be a two minute task was turning into a longer haul and I could see she was not happy as she came closer , insisting I look in the mirror and compare the three stripes for myself .
I might as well have been colour blind for all the differences I can see but I agree when she tells me categorically the Warm Beige is all wrong and it is between the sand and the warm sand but that she personally herself had an inkling that sand was wrong and warm sand was going to be right .
More staring . I stared . It didn't help . It didn't help me anyway .
In the highly reflective glass I simply made a mental note that Nat would have had a fit if she had known I had come out without making sure I had de fuzzed . Nat and facial hair , mine in particular , do not mix.
A younger , very glamorous artist appears and my woman asks her for a minute of her attention .
Ms Glam was in pursuit of a cosmetic tool of her own but steps back , glances at my three stripes and says without any hesitation " Its clear . Warm Beige. "
My Woman turns Warm Red and they consult , about red tones , warm tones , sand beige , matching at the edge as opposed to the other edge ( I know ) and there is pointing at my red cheeks . And reference to Redness again . They are both Redder than I am .

Warm Beige it is . Ms Glam is right and my woman explains why this is so . I am not bothered what shade of foundation I take home so long as I get the Luminous make up which had given me such a healthy glow on Saturday and which is really what I have come back for .

Warm Beige then ? Luminous ? says my woman . We are speaking the same language . I am happy , she is happy .
She heads for the drawer containing the bottles . Ms Glam' s head swivels . She is back on the case . Luminous ? She comes closer again and peers at my face . She is really very pretty and her skin is perfect . She pinches my skin carefully and asks what my skin type is. She advises me that although of course I can take away luminous if I wish , it is moisture rich which is right for me . Luminous is designed for the older lady skin type , my skin being supple and containing sufficient collagen not to need it . I am in anguish . I want the luminous .

There is more debate . My woman explains I have made a special trip for the luminous after being particularly impressed with it . That I in fact already have moisture rich at home . Blah Blah . I look at my watch . I am already ten minutes over my parking limit . They agree to make up one half of my face in moisture rich and one in luminous . They work very fast . I feel like I am a house design project coming in ten pounds over budget . A man across the way on perfumes waiting for something watches with interest .
I know I am not going anywhere without Luminous . My woman knows it too . To cut a long story short , my woman pats me in a congratulatory manner on my arm as she places my purchases in my bag , and Ms Glam concedes the Bobbi customer is always ( almost ) right but adding that it is the light reflecting that I am liking and that it is not the Bobbi look and she herself can see the make up sitting on my face . So be it .

I drive home peering in the mirror at the two halves of my face comparing notes and smiling at myself . What else to do ?