Fascinating article about aphasia in Times2 this morning I wanted to say "I've had a stroke" because of the aphasia I couldn't - Times , striking a particular chord for me as someone usually articulate who loses words throughout the day thanks to the side effects of epilepsy drugs and as the evening wears on becomes increasingly inarticulate until at around ten pm it all goes pear shaped .
My intellect intact , I am completely aware that I am not making sense , but also inable ( inable ? unable surely ...) to put this right and so at around this time I usually get off the floor so to speak and depart the social areas of the house , heading for bed and the cats who tend not to notice .
Last night was a case in point . My 14 year old daughter , possibly aware that she was going away for a few days , had brought down a dvd ( Titanic ) for us all to watch together , but by ten thirty I was laregly incoherent .
Keeping quiet , reading the paper , e mailing , one eye on the tv I can just about manage though I also find sitting still very difficult . I stand and try to interact with Jessie . Talking to cats is simple , even for me after the ten pm watershed , as it involves nothing more than muttered endearments , Puss , Poppet and the like .....I then catch sight of Alice the greyhound and head over to sit near her but make the first mistake , calling her Puss .As the word pops out , clearly I know its wrong but there is no way I can rectify it fast enough . So begins a monologue .....
Puss ..... Puss ... oh no not Puss , you're not a Puss , you're that other Business ( for some reason the word Business is one which features a lot for me )......
at which point I catch sight of D's mouth twitching slightly at me calling Alice "that other Business ".
Alice merely sighs as greyhounds do and shifts to lean more heavily on me , happy at any and all attention .
Jess the bravest of the cats then climbs gingerly up onto the sofa to inspect the dog more closely than she ever has and I desperately want to draw attention to this , but I can find no words , other than Look at this business ...... Nat raises her eyebrows slightly but is so used to me she says nothing .
Soon afterwards I retire for the night , completely past my verbal sell by date .
I read for a while , with a clump of cats surrounding me . They expect no conversation , something of a relief .
D informs me this morning that he came up soon after , and I appeared to have fallen asleep reading . He asked if I was ok . NO . I said firmly and somewhat crossly . Oh , What's the matter , he asked , solicitously . I CAN'T REMEMBER . I grumble and am asleep again .
Monday, 14 April 2008
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2 comments:
Oh that's the MOST frustrating thing! I lose words all the time although I suspect it's hormonal - peri-menopause makes you stupid.
My dad had a stroke and had always been quite intellectual so to see him struggle for a word - any word - was horrible.
Thank goodness your struggle is medication induced and "business" seems to cover a lot for you!! :) We all need to find our ways to push on through!
So glad to see you back Bettejo , I missed you ... hope all is well with you and youve just been enjoying life x
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