Today the head is mostly green

And when the feeling in the head is green , its hard to write . Yesterday the feeling in the head was also mostly green . It started out that way at 4 am . Bad sign . When that happens , regular readers of this blog will know I usually take pills and sleep till it passes . And sleep , and don't do anything else . Yesterday , the sleeping went on and on , and one pill led into another , until I'd gone onto the final stage of the neurologist's recommended list ( as carried around in my bag, somewhat crumpled now ), and the greeness did fade a bit and was overtaken by the open blood vessel feeling which is more pale yellow and involves a wonderful muscle relaxed feeling and complete spaced outness which is pure bliss when all expectations of continuing with what passes for normal life have been let go . Once the worrying stage is through which involves concern about all that should be being achieved , what is being missed , when will it all be caught up , then its time to start the story telling in my head . Sometimes the relaxation stories involve summer fields with butterflies and streams and green things and flowing water . Sometimes its the beaches of Costa Rica with the noise of monkeys and parrots in the background . As the images and the sounds mingle with the effect of the drugs I find myself letting go and dozing off and the pounding in the head lessens as I sleep .

Today The head was green again . Sometimes green changes to flaming red , shotting out of the top of the head , but the green persisted . I took pills at 5 am and went back to sleep to dream of a Day Job seminar and sitting at a table and having to run off to a bathroom in an old house where I used to live to be sick . The sickness went on and on . I woke and slept on and off , got up to go out and feed cats on auto pilot , luckily a house where I know the routine like the back of my hand so all was well . Back to bed and three of my cats all joining in purring and singing and trying to keep their squabbles to themselves .
A new CatCall late afternoon where I did everything very slowly and carefully , walking as if I was wearing a big padded snowsuit . Two of the new cats were thrilled to see me but one was alarmed and hurried off to watch me from above . A quick walk with Alice on a new windy beach , which she didnt much like . She seems to associate new places with being abandoned or left behind and looks hastily from side to side every few minutes , constantly checking that we are still there .
I am slipping back towards sleep .
I hope you are all better than me .....