Freddie, once more

I really miss Freddie s blog , finding out how he's doing every day , a window into someone else s life and such an inspirational one at that . We miss people according to how they impact on us , what they mean in our day to day lives and , how much we think about them and how much they make or made us think and how what we thought changed us . ( That's what I'm thinking now anyway , as I write this . )
I think abut Mandy , who was my sister in law , whenever I'm on my bike , usually when I'm panting up a steep hill . Mandy was probably the fittest woman I knew , my head would be down as I struggled up some mountain ( they all seemed like mountains to me ) in the Lake District and I would hear this weird clicking noise and it was the gear change on her bike as she steamed past me , head down as well but how it looked effortless . Mandy who taught me without making any effort , how to be a Mother with a capital M , producing tiny notebooks and pencils and felt tipped pens from her bag when we all went to the pub or a hotel bar to eat and the kids were tired and grumpy , and she would have thought ahead to stop off in a little newsagent or toyshop to supply herself with bits and pieces to keep them happy just long enough till the food arrived . Mandy who only ever really wanted another baby ......because of how she felt about her beautiful daughter S who is eighteen now but who was only sixteen when she helped her aunts carry her mum down the aisle in her coffin .
Sometimes nothing much makes sense