The clock must be set up at the wrong time somehow on here . I m not really posting at 4 am , though I was reading at three am , couldnt sleep .
"Issues " continue from the day job and then there was the scan . What was wierd about that was the apparent lack of awareness of the scanning staff .
The injecting crew were great , joking and making sure the punters are not going to pass out at the sight of a needle , an awareness that there might be some fear about being injected with radioactive stuff and asking how you plan to spend the three hours before coming back to the dept for the scan . I'm fine with needles and .. so far so good . I watched the colourless liquid going in , then some water being injected too , and told myself it wanst going to do me any harm .
Into town , lunch , a quick look at the digital cameras , cashed in a voucher in M and S , and then back for the scan . Different experience altogether , different team , a friendly guy intent on chatting with a student . But not with the patient .
Got me up onto the trolley , settled me comfortably and told me I shouldn't move for the time the camera was on , expected to be thirty minutes . I wasnt at this stage even sure where the camera was , or which piece of hardware it was . Talking away to the student about unrelated matters , he told me to close my eyes if I wanted as the camera would come very close to my face ( how , from which angle , how long would it be close ? Then what ? )
The room became very hot and I started to panic as something was closing in on me . I had no idea whether the process was started or not and whether I needed to keep still as the pair seemed to have moved off into the distance still talking about this and that . I could sense something above my head and realised that if I wanted to cut and run , in fact I couldnt as the camera was so close it would pin me down . Flicking my eyes open and shut I realised just how close it was and that there was no sign of the radiographers . Heart thumping I tried to calm my breathing and asked " Is this as close as the camera comes ?" , anything to make contact and let these people know I was in a mess.
" Yes " said the guy . Full stop . But he must have glanced at me and he said to his colleague , not me , " Its very hot in here " and he came into my line of vision and switched on a fan .
Still not a word of reassurance or even any acknowldegement in my direction . I began to get a sense that the camera above me was moving . Up till then I wasnt even sure that it had begun its work , or that the process had started , and this helped as I convinced myself I could handle it , that I could breathe , that nothing was actually touching me or harming me and that if I closed my eyes again I could pretend I was anywhere . Tuning in to the conversation that was off right , I could hear him talking her through the process . His voice was friendly , considerate , intent on being helpful . How come he didnt see how terrified I was initially ? Wierd .
I wouldnt even consider myself as having major problems with claustrophobia , though lying under that camera I knew I would find it impossible to go into one of the tube scanners Ive seen pictures of . Maybe with a dose of anaesthetic first ? Or several gins ? Hope it never comes to that .
I know I should have said something afterwards about what would have been better for me . But once I was off the table ( and when he asked if I needed help to get down ... eh ??? ) I began to wonder what he had seen on the scan , why he thought I would need help ? My imagination running riot for thirty seconds till I told myself most people coming for scans are likely to be elderly and it probably
is hard for them to get off the table . Once down I scuttled off as fast as I could and back out into the sunshine . D quite happy to listen to my tales of panic .
A new cat call this morning for June . Two cats , family who feel cats happier at home than in a cattery . Long conversation on the phone explaining how it works and explaining that I'm happy for her to visit where I live or provide references if required . Having acknowledged some qualms about just handing over keys to a stranger we agreed to meet mid june to finalise arrangements and she jokes that I sound trustworthy .
It used to surprise me initially how ready people were to hand over keys without any checks or references . Most people once they met me said they had no worries , it was clear I loved their cats and they didnt they I looked like a burglar . One woman said if their house was cleared out a week or two after their holidays I would be their first port of call so it wasnt really a worry .. which made sense .
And in the final analysis most people are far more concerned about whether someone is going to feed , clean up after and cuddle their cats which is what its all about .
