I used to find my horoscopes spoke to me in some deep and meaningful way , so much so that I arranged to have one delivered to my e mail in box every morning . However increasingly , it seems out of kilter with my real life existence ....
Yesterday was the final day of my Day Job hols , a day for pottering and catching up on a few bits and pieces .
The horoscope read as follows :
"
A desire to redecorate, remodel or otherwise beautify your home might tempt you to spend a little too much today. This is fine, as long as you make sure you overspend on what you really want or need. Don't get so carried away that you might have to take unwanted stuff back to the store! You might invite some people over tonight, but again, be careful you don't invite too many. "Excess" is the keyword for today, Ms CatCalls. Avoid it! "Today I cast my mind back to yesterday's reality .
Alice sleeps in after the trip out yesterday .
I luxuriate in bed from 6 onwards listening for her bell and reading Sarah Challis and texting Nat who is allegedly travelling back from Plymouth though there are several false starts as they have set out at eight thirty sharp and got some way along the route only to find that the car is still fitted with the boys' baby seats . Matters are compounded by the fact that Nat's GHD s are still plugged in at her sister's , thus they must retrace their steps . Their ETA is therefore now 6 30 pm rather than 3 30 . She informs me that she will therefore arrive back and have to leave immediately to go to a party . We can therefore spend some time together on saturday by way of compensation , she proposes .
I am finally driven from bed by Kitty worming her way under my book and refusing to leave me to read . I make a batch of brownies then head out for a CatCall with swimming gear under my arm . It is pouring . Thoughts of remodelling my home are never further from my mind . Remodelling my life maybe , picking up sticks and moving somewhere less cold and wet maybe ?
Miserable day .
The cats are indoors , stretching and squeaking quietly when I go in , keen to see whether I am providing tuna or something they find less palatable . I fill bird feeders in the rain and am rewarded with a performance by Mr Blackbird who ( with his partner ) has a nest above the patio and sits on the wire watching me watching him . As I approach to throw food into the fish pond he dances unhappily and flies across and away to distract me from the nest .... I return to the house not wanting to upset him further . I leave a note for the family as it is my last day and return the key .
Having had to park the car in the drive unusually, due to a surfeit of cars in the road , I reverse out listening to a programme on Radio 4 about whether or not fathers should be permitted to stay on the ward after their babies have been born . I have mixed feelings about this . I would rather my partner had been permitted to stay
before the baby was born
, when I was admitted but before there was a space for me in the delivery room but that's a whole other story . I hated being in labour on my own throughout the night and then ..... oh hang on I'm going to go off on a massive rant here .... in fact a really massive rant . Probably why I found myself unable to get out of the drive properly , and having to take the sharp corner again and wondering as I drove off what that funny scraping noise on my first " take " was . By this time I am telling the radio presenter my birthing experiences . I can confirm she is not listening .
Suffice to say I went swimming and as I swam up and down thinking back decided it might be politic to take a look at the car . My swimming gets faster and faster .... twenty lengths flashes past in the twinkling of an eye . I have almost given birth again . Ha ! the car has a little scrape along the bumper and some on the paintwork . I then start wondering about the wall or gate or whatever in the driveway I had departed and drove back that way to take a look .
Horrors !
Could remodelling my home have involved demolishing the gatepost of one of my CatCalling customers ? All I could see as I drove up was the stone post , with the top piece of stone perched loosely on the top . I pull up and stare . It looks as if someone ( me ? ) has knocked it down and then picked it up and placed it back on top as if trying to conceal the fact that they knocked it down ( not me! ) . A car drives past , two men inside appearing to stare accusingly at me . I want to raise my hands at them in that universal " Who me ? What ? " gesture , so beloved of Nat whenever I ask her anything about anything . ( Paranoia setting in here )
I get out of the car and examine the scrape on the car and the gatepost and decide it is actually unlikely the two are connected . The height of the damages are different for one thing . There is a little stone dust on the path which corresponds with the damage I have caused , but I can't be sure , so I leave a note to explain and push it through the door , hoping the family will be able to understand my garbled explanation .
The rain goes on .. and on ... and on . Alice misses her morning walk as she is not keen on wet beaches when the wind is blowing a gale .
I can confirm that my sole purchase during the whole day is a seat cover for the car ( £4.99 from Aldi , an extremely cheap shop which I visit for the first time ) which will stop Alice slipping onto the floor with her cushions and bean bags when we fly round corners , in fact it stops her gaining access to the floor at all or the front seats , incredibly useful when she wishes to sit on my lap as I am driving . She is far too tall and skinny and her legs are far too pointy and sharp .
My evening entertainment involved a walk to st Mary's island . I didnt invite anyone home with me . It was so freezing there wasn't a soul else out there . Sad or what ? Maybe I just need a new horoscoper . Is that even a word ?
Footnote
Mr W phones later to explain I have not demolished the post . Such relief .
