- D , looking over my shoulder as I post the exploding tv blog see complete with photo : " why does an article about an exploding tv feature a picture of a toilet ?"
" A toilet ? "
" What toilet ?"
he points , impatient for me to finish so he can direct me to his latest attempt to restore the website to the spot on the ether where it needs to be .
(The e mails are coming thick and fast from Fasthosts and seem now to start " Dear D , we are now sure that you have ..... "
and sign off " We are now sure that once you ..... x, y and z you will be laughing all the way to your search engine ", or similar . )
" That's the bidet "
Silence .
I hear the voice in his head which is saying , quietly , " I rest my case " .
Thursday, 28 June 2007
Question ? Or Comment
Exploding tv
....run downstairs at the final hour to listen to the Archers at seven , having been trying to polyfilla the bathroom back together . Polyfilla was the plan but as always with these ideas , it transpires there are a mountain of preparatory tasks which cant be ignored . Scrubbing the skirting boards and the floor tiles and round the base of the lavvy and the bidet ( which doubles as the cat's fresh water bowl receptacle )...... consequently I run down in a hot sweat and all geared up for flat on the back on the sofa with Jennifer and Ruarhi and the spectre of Siobhan .....not best pleased when the tv refuses to yield Radio 4 and pant back up to the next level to lie on the bed instead and listen to an alternative device .
N comes home and wanders in wondering why I am up there and breaks the news that D is poring over the tv which looks like it is no more .
Silence reigns , no Big Brother .
N and I take off for Morrisons and Fox 's wholemeal bran biscuits which have temporarily taken over from Rachel's organic coconut bio yoghurt as the breakfast of choice ( with golden linseeds stirred in for extra effect ) where we acquire some cute post it notes ( 59 p) . Soon a note appears in N's handwriting
To :Shelagh
From: D: of Newcastle
tel no: 0800 -kiss- my -ass
Message : Shelagh Im sorry but IM GAY ( sic)
For some reason this strikes me as very funny and makes me very happy . I celebrate with maltesers ( small ) and decide polyfilla can wait . Further cause for celebration , an e mail pops up stating I have won another e bay bid ( addictive or what , never bought anything then three purchases in one week ) , a hardback book for 99 pence . ( fay Weldon :She may never leave , featured in an article in this morning's Times .Search Times Online )
The pound puppies ( mini ) arrived at 9am .
The cats were aghast when they tumbled out of the envelope and scattered for a few minutes , re appearing gingerly to check out whether they moved . 18 tiny dogs , kittens , three piggies , a purry , a furry and an elephant .
Jess and Toby begin footballing almost immediately with a brown pig and Kitty selects a long eared and rather tasteful beige basset hound for her very own . There are even some Birman style puppies with chocolate points .
All is well with the world .
Wednesday, 27 June 2007
Jessie , courgette for today
Jessie crept into bed with me in the early hours and when I woke my arms were wrapped round her as she slept . I dreamed I was growing a courgette and Jessie was the courgette and I was so proud of her being so smooth and shiny and lovely .
Today the great excitement , not having any cats to look after apart from my own , was discovering more features on site meter , including a map which seems to reveal that people are looking at the blog from Italy , Germany ( that's my friend Zita ), Canada , New York , California , oh and lots in London . And hopefully in time that will spread to lots of people locally to the north east of England who want someone to take care of their cats .....or like looking at photos of cats and houses and things you see when out on your bike .
Did I mention , I won the pound puppies ( minis ) on e bay . The previous batch of 8 went for £21 , shocking , but this batch of 18 I managed to get for £6 50 but that apart the excitement of bidding was tremendous . Spurred on , I then hunted down a copy of Mike Figgis' Timecode and managed to get that for £ 3 or thereabouts .
I saw Timecode a while back when I hired it from Blockbuster . I blanch now when I think of how I took the DVD back and informed the man at the desk ( I 'm not quite old enough to call him the Boy at the Desk though indeed that's what he was .....) that he had given me the " wrong version " of the fim and could I just have the " normal one " . His ears pricked up , wondering if I'd inadvertantly picked up a porno , possibly , but no , I was clearly mad , as I insisted on explaining the fim "had a man talking over it. ". When he asked what he was talking about and I explained it was about how he had made the film and could I just have a plain film , realisation dawned that I had clicked onto director's commentary . He patiently explained while I hooted with glee at my folly . How come he didn't laugh ? They have such self control , these people .
Today the great excitement , not having any cats to look after apart from my own , was discovering more features on site meter , including a map which seems to reveal that people are looking at the blog from Italy , Germany ( that's my friend Zita ), Canada , New York , California , oh and lots in London . And hopefully in time that will spread to lots of people locally to the north east of England who want someone to take care of their cats .....or like looking at photos of cats and houses and things you see when out on your bike .
Did I mention , I won the pound puppies ( minis ) on e bay . The previous batch of 8 went for £21 , shocking , but this batch of 18 I managed to get for £6 50 but that apart the excitement of bidding was tremendous . Spurred on , I then hunted down a copy of Mike Figgis' Timecode and managed to get that for £ 3 or thereabouts .
I saw Timecode a while back when I hired it from Blockbuster . I blanch now when I think of how I took the DVD back and informed the man at the desk ( I 'm not quite old enough to call him the Boy at the Desk though indeed that's what he was .....) that he had given me the " wrong version " of the fim and could I just have the " normal one " . His ears pricked up , wondering if I'd inadvertantly picked up a porno , possibly , but no , I was clearly mad , as I insisted on explaining the fim "had a man talking over it. ". When he asked what he was talking about and I explained it was about how he had made the film and could I just have a plain film , realisation dawned that I had clicked onto director's commentary . He patiently explained while I hooted with glee at my folly . How come he didn't laugh ? They have such self control , these people .
Tuesday, 26 June 2007
And the really exciting thing ? The site meter I put on the blog is now working . Well , one of them is and reports the correct figures ( such bliss , it is not after all just me reading it ) whilst the other sends a pompous report on a daily basis telling me I have had precisely nil hits . Even I know I look at it several times a day and I didn't dare exclude my own figures ......So something wrong there
websites etc
The excitement ! the website up and running and now including reference to the blog , and with some added words which might help us in the Search Engine Race ( is that how it works ?) .
It all seems to be going swimmingly for a few minutes then D , trying to improve matters even further , deletes the whole thing off the whole thing ( the website off the webspace ? Serious anyway .) What a blunder ! A series of e mails back and forwards from Fasthosts who are very helpful and who usually seem to start with
" I cant quite see what you have done but ....." and end
" So unless you have a back up copy locally you will need to start again from scratch .
And as the official webmasterperson or is it mistress , I have to forward all these e mails and am thus , again the harbinger of these unwelcome gems .
Not being particularly computer literate myself , I wonder later how it is that I find myself on the end of a phone later to my dad trying to explain " Cut and Paste " so that he can " click on the activation link " of something D put on his pc for him on our last visit . Anti virus software or something equally vital to his safety online which hasnt actually been activated since we were there , about a month , possibly .
" So Dad , do you know how to highlight something with your mouse ? "
"Yes " ( confidently)
"Ok so well get your mouse and click on that box in the corner saying Edit "
" Right " ( still confident . This can't be right)
" Then highlight the address line "
Silence
Silence
Dad ?
Yes
Have you done that ?
Silence
Very small voice " Well I have but nothing has happened . It hasnt copied anything .
No just hang on , now go to Edit again , down to Paste
Paste ?
( I picture him looking round the room for glue )
then ...
" What exactly are we trying to do now ?"
" Tell you what Dad , we'll come and have a look when youre back from your holidays "
Phew .
Now I know what the helpdesk feels like when I hang on the end of the phone tittering at my own incompetence and noting their extreme patience , not even an audible sigh . How do they do that then ?
It all seems to be going swimmingly for a few minutes then D , trying to improve matters even further , deletes the whole thing off the whole thing ( the website off the webspace ? Serious anyway .) What a blunder ! A series of e mails back and forwards from Fasthosts who are very helpful and who usually seem to start with
" I cant quite see what you have done but ....." and end
" So unless you have a back up copy locally you will need to start again from scratch .
And as the official webmasterperson or is it mistress , I have to forward all these e mails and am thus , again the harbinger of these unwelcome gems .
Not being particularly computer literate myself , I wonder later how it is that I find myself on the end of a phone later to my dad trying to explain " Cut and Paste " so that he can " click on the activation link " of something D put on his pc for him on our last visit . Anti virus software or something equally vital to his safety online which hasnt actually been activated since we were there , about a month , possibly .
" So Dad , do you know how to highlight something with your mouse ? "
"Yes " ( confidently)
"Ok so well get your mouse and click on that box in the corner saying Edit "
" Right " ( still confident . This can't be right)
" Then highlight the address line "
Silence
Silence
Dad ?
Yes
Have you done that ?
Silence
Very small voice " Well I have but nothing has happened . It hasnt copied anything .
No just hang on , now go to Edit again , down to Paste
Paste ?
( I picture him looking round the room for glue )
then ...
" What exactly are we trying to do now ?"
" Tell you what Dad , we'll come and have a look when youre back from your holidays "
Phew .
Now I know what the helpdesk feels like when I hang on the end of the phone tittering at my own incompetence and noting their extreme patience , not even an audible sigh . How do they do that then ?
Saturday, 23 June 2007
The Archers
Great excitement as I realise from something said by a fellow blogger that it is possible to listen to the radio on the laptop. This is highy useful information for me as I get to listen to the Archers on the rare occasion only that I'm travelling somwhere at lunchtime or seven pm or ( more likely ) on a Sunday and even then I have to run the gauntlet of derision from the Teens in the car. BBC Radio Player
( Oh no, more thunder as I write , my head will explode but I am suffering Blog Withdrawal which is more upsetting than Life Withdrawal which I'm accustomed to , though not for a while having been until this weeks storms clear of migraine for several weeks , and amazingly , believing the problem was solved ) .
Having spent time in recent weeks looking at digital radios in John Lewis , under the impression that the main reason I don't listen at home is connected with lack of radios, I start fiddling with the laptop and then move into the realisation that I can also , wait for this , listen to broadcasts I have missed in the last seven days ....thus transforming my life .
Only last night I sat looking at the clock from 6pm , waiting patiently for seven , home alone and all prepared to listen at the right time and In the House for once , and suddenly , before I know it its precisely seven twenty and yes , again , Ive missed it ! I realise at that point that its nothing to do with having radios in only three rooms but much more to do with the fact that unless I were to set an alarm on my mobile phone , I am completely incapable of remembering anything that happens after six pm unless its work or CatCall related .
And it seems that it wasn't thundering again , just Colin's new diy project . Maybe my head will start to clear .....
( Oh no, more thunder as I write , my head will explode but I am suffering Blog Withdrawal which is more upsetting than Life Withdrawal which I'm accustomed to , though not for a while having been until this weeks storms clear of migraine for several weeks , and amazingly , believing the problem was solved ) .
Having spent time in recent weeks looking at digital radios in John Lewis , under the impression that the main reason I don't listen at home is connected with lack of radios, I start fiddling with the laptop and then move into the realisation that I can also , wait for this , listen to broadcasts I have missed in the last seven days ....thus transforming my life .
Only last night I sat looking at the clock from 6pm , waiting patiently for seven , home alone and all prepared to listen at the right time and In the House for once , and suddenly , before I know it its precisely seven twenty and yes , again , Ive missed it ! I realise at that point that its nothing to do with having radios in only three rooms but much more to do with the fact that unless I were to set an alarm on my mobile phone , I am completely incapable of remembering anything that happens after six pm unless its work or CatCall related .
And it seems that it wasn't thundering again , just Colin's new diy project . Maybe my head will start to clear .....
Friday, 22 June 2007
CatCalling
Catcalling is building momentum as the weather worsens and people make good their escape .
Looking after two cats this week and after a minor panic on the first day when despite being told there were two cats but not having been introduced to them as they were both " upstairs " when I visited , I fretted when only one appeared near the feeding bowls and despite a cursory glance in the bedrooms , no sign of a second cat . More worryingly , there was a large black and white puss curled up asleep on the patio in the early evening sunshine . And the doors were locked and there was no way for cats to enter or leave .
I stared at this cat for a while , wondering if he/she had been left outside by accident , contemplating letting her in , or even opening the door to see if she seemed to wish to come in , but then thought of one of our cats who would happily wander into any open cat flap and have a poke around everywhere before collected by us .
A phone call to the grandmother , holidaying in Stratford , and she told me the second cat would be hiding somewhere and just to ignore her , and after leaving her to it and hoping for the best I finally decided to mount a search yesterday and there she was , a little face amongst the bags under the bed , hissing as she saw my upside down face appearing in her territory .
Cats are all so different .
Looking after two cats this week and after a minor panic on the first day when despite being told there were two cats but not having been introduced to them as they were both " upstairs " when I visited , I fretted when only one appeared near the feeding bowls and despite a cursory glance in the bedrooms , no sign of a second cat . More worryingly , there was a large black and white puss curled up asleep on the patio in the early evening sunshine . And the doors were locked and there was no way for cats to enter or leave .
I stared at this cat for a while , wondering if he/she had been left outside by accident , contemplating letting her in , or even opening the door to see if she seemed to wish to come in , but then thought of one of our cats who would happily wander into any open cat flap and have a poke around everywhere before collected by us .
A phone call to the grandmother , holidaying in Stratford , and she told me the second cat would be hiding somewhere and just to ignore her , and after leaving her to it and hoping for the best I finally decided to mount a search yesterday and there she was , a little face amongst the bags under the bed , hissing as she saw my upside down face appearing in her territory .
Cats are all so different .
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