Breakfast

... thanks to Auntie Laura's rescue hens , and now she has two new Rhode Island chicks brought home from school in a shoe box after some negotiation between herself and Mr Porteous who one assumes manages the school farm . I haven't yet seen the new babies but have heard delightful descriptions of them backing away in horror from a butterfly and cheeping happily in the old guinea pig quarters where they will stay until they reach sufficient majority to withstand the pressures of life with the Big Girls , and can be moved in with Joan and Co .

Meanwhile life continue here . The washing machine started smoking last night , as Pearl sat contentedly in front of it breathing in the smoke and ignoring the vibrations . Her deafness must be an asset at times .

I continue to email my friend on an hourly basis as we compare the merits of the various little green cars , with nothing much happening on that front . I feel sad saying goodbye to my old car is the problem . It has seen me through five years with many changes . The end of an era . I need to move on , but .... while that orange light is not flashing I am hanging on .

Silly Green Car ..Getting Closer ?

After a splendid morning sitting with a large friendly cat on my lap whilst I read the Saturday Times Magazine and she purred and we watched the rain and tried to BirdSpot ( too wet ) , followed by coffee and cheese scones en famille at Kirkharle courtyard gallery Kirkharle Courtyard, Kirkharle, Northumberland, Creative Arts Centre plus Coff I hurtled home in my recently -repaired -by -the AA ( another faulty coil pack ) -car with plans to do a bit of this and that in prep for the Day Job ( strictly against my principles but sometimes needs must ) and when its pouring with rain and the dog wont play out , well whats the harm?

And , suddenly , there on the panel that orange light is on again and I pull in to the Silverlink shopping outlet and the whole world is there trying to park . I smell burning and fear I am overheating and try to park but there are no spaces and no where indeed to pull over safely so finally I stop where I can , in the aisle between spaces where I can , put on my flashers , open the bonnet ( to see if I am on Fire ) and get back into the car to call the AA .

The traffic is wall to wall and even without me tempers are frayed but really I have few choices . It should be fairly apparent that I have not merely stopped to brush my hair or read a magazine or call my auntie in Brighton . But despite the fact that I am either on the phone , under the bonnet or scrutinising my car manual , I am not popular and there are men rolling down their windows and shouting insults and offering advice ( though it is not the sort of advice suitable for a cat minding blog , really ) . The women confine themselves to shaking their heads in disdain at me .

When I suggest calmly that we might all be in a lot more trouble if my engine blows up , they look ready to explode themselves . Indeed it is the fact that I have no choice that keeps me calmand at times fairly amused . I am causing no danger , and I really cannot go anywhere , as the AA man himself confirms upon arrival , parking up his massive truck and causing even further obstruction and asking me " Really , can't some people drive round things ? What is the problem here ? "

I am safely home now , as is the car , but the orange light is still blazing . The fault is still showing , though undiagnosed , the AA man not having the requisite Diagnostic Equipment ( Tomorrow they will return if I call them back ... ) and I am thinking , that much vaunted Silly Green Car that I dont really want but Nat thinks I should have is coming ever closer and my eight year old not so trusty big car has maybe had its day .

How will we fold Alice's long spindly legs into the back of a tiny mini type car though ? I wonder how the garage will feel about a greyhound test drive ?

The Plinth

Despite an early application to apear on the Plinth in Trafalgar Square I have not yet been awarded a place .
One & Other
It has only just occurred to me today that I can log into the live stream from One and Other . This is even more entertaining than Hencam though so far I have only had time to watch for around three minutes , today being a particularly busy day at the CatCalls HQ . In fact having seen the height of the Plinth I am wondering if I would have dared submit myself to the terrors of being winched up there presumably by cherrypicker , and once there , there is the question of " the performance " and what constitutes Art . However , I will concern myself with that aspect if I am allocated an hour in September or October .

Today we have been deluged with rain .
Alice has refused yet again to attend to her ablutions and is currently hunched over herself groaning slightly due to tummy pains and bloating from " witholding " like a toddler glaring at his or her potty . Only in Alice's case it is the weather she is refusing . D has run back and forwards along the grass with a golf umbrella blowing inside and tugging Alice along by her collar whilst I guffaw supportively from indoors with the camera at the ready . After two or three minutes she breaks free as he lets go the collar thinking she is about to do business , but the only business she means hurtling back for the door and dry cleaning herself on the white sofa before settling down for the day , rain watching from the comfort of the cushions . " Alice " I hear him scream " You need a wee " Alice is pressed against the front door , begging to differ and when a dog says no , there is really nothing you can do .
Ah well , such is life .

All of which leads me to conclude that it really is not safe to order the beautiful shade of carpet we want in palest barley .....

I head for town thus on the metro , the hefty colour spectrum whatsit under my arm and wrapped in a binliner thing due to the still driving rain . I choose the metro due to the weather reports that flooding threatens to close the main road between here and town .

Today I am determined to set out my stall as regards the carpet business . No more talk of pet indiscretions , I shall spell out the problems and see where we get . I hope to close the deal and order some carpet , spurred on by a chat with a helpful friend this morning who suggests carpet tiling may be the answer , " lets face it" she says with her usual candour , "if the dog decides to wipe its backside on the one in front of the tv you can always run it under the tap and replace it with the one that was under the sofa " . Hmm I think , got it in one .
I smile inanely most of the metro ride thinking carpet tile thoughts , and am sucked into the veritable wind tunnel that is Pink Lane . My feet are clad in FitFlops and the water running in streams down the lane is up to my ankles .
But , as I outline my anxieties , the carpet ladies are wonderful and come up with the perfect solution and I leave forty five minutes later and head for Cafe Royal to celebrate with a latte and a ricotta muffin , at which point discovering I have left my mobile phone at home .
This becomes significant an hour later when the metro announces that it is terminating due to floods and we are all expelled onto the streets . I am stranded and cannot get home by any other means . A member of staff at the Travel Centre agrees to ring D for me and he manages to avoid the floods and find a route to collect me . I am a drowned rat , clutching my carpet samples , and Alice is still hunching over her by now doubtless impacted bowel .
Oh happy Days ....

Is it just me or .... 101 uses for a woman ?

Is it just me or are the 101 uses for a woman 101 uses for a woman - Times Online not quite as funny as last week's 101 uses for a man 101 uses for a man - Times Online. Though I did quite like number 94 .

But I wondered ( obviously ) if its just a gender thing and if the men are chortling for England ( or wherever) as they read "woman " today as I did as I recognised some aspects of most of the men I knew in there somewhere ( pointing and shouting , what bliss ) .

Whatever next ?
101 uses for a cat ....or a not so skinny greyhound when its pouring with rain ? One thing for sure , she certainly can cross those legs for hours rather than open the floodgates in a downpour , and would rather stand in said downpour and refuse for ten minutes simply to make her point . This I know for sure and my umbrella has disintegrated to prove my point .

Oh , and another thing ... ebay is brilliant . I sold my sewing machine . There's really nothing to it .

Hens can Fly

While the boys dig for worms and the teens do camping in the fields , we teach Joan and her entourage about Jumping for Dandelions . Hens are so soothing .

Is yours a Bottom Feed ?

Selling things on ebay is harder than you ( or rather I ) think ...

For a few days , nothing happens . And with my short attention span - so short in fact that yesterday Nat asks me to drop her at her friends in a few minutes time and whilst she goes up to collect her bag I have forgotton and start to boil myself two of Auntie Laura's hens' lovely eggs for my breakfast , and Nat comes back down , sits down , looks at me and says , ok , right then , we can go later . And doesnt point out that it was me who asked her to get off to her friends earlier so that they would be back quicker and we could all get off to for the camping trip quicker ( so I could get back in time for the evening round of CatCalls ... one cat , but still ... one odesnt like to keep a cat waiting )

So , it is with some surprise that I read an e mail asking me " is it still working " .

Working ? I think ? Is what working and it takes a few minutes for the penny to drop .

But it gets worse .

A day later the questions become more insistent and altogether more complex . Beyond me , in fact .

" Is your bottom feed a reel or a shuttle ? "

I confess I looked at that one for a couple of minutes , shut it down , re opened .

No , it was still there .

I read it out to D . And as men do , on occasion , despite knowing as little as I do about bottom feeds , he tried to problem solve .

" Is it worth taking it apart and looking at the bottom feed and seeing if its a reel or a shuttle "

I gave him what I hoped he would recognise as a withering look .

" Thats a bit like saying " Shall I lift your bonnet and we will see if your bottom feed is a shuttle or a reel " I say . Neither of us would have a clue what we are looking for . We could be there all day . Frankly I'd rather not . "

He retreats with a slightly pained expression and googles Bottom Feed ( I expect ) .

Meanwhile I reflect back to the last time I used a sewing machine , to make several pairs of curtains in a Laura Ashley fabric , when I recall using Laura's electric sewing machine . I distinctly recall a loud bang and a blue flash and the power pack parting company from the machine but I cant remember where I went wrong . Laura was an excellent sewer . She was also very patient . I was neither .

I email her asking about Bottom Feeds and she sends a little email back explaining . Soon all is clear . It is that thing I would call the spool . So simple . Bottom Feed indeed .

After a heavy day yesterday ( out visiting and no time for extended sleeping ) followed by a long walk in the heat of the morning , with further irritations in the shape of the gathering crowds in the village all wanting to make a fuss of the rescue greyhound looking so hot and forlorn , Alice is in no mood for anything but getting home and back to her Bonio and Bed .

As we cross the road an exuberant woman of a certain age scoops up an ebullient looking if somewhat overweight chihuaua with bulging eyes , clutching him to her bosom and shouting in a jolly Geordie accent " Better pick him up in case He thinks he's a Rabbit " .

This takes me a while to decipher but when I do I burst out laughing . The very idea that Alice would chase anything , but anything , on such a day as this . She glances at me and slouches on with her lolloping gait . We arrive home and she parks up on the wood floor in the doorway , too hot to make it to the first floor .