sunday

No CatCalls today again so the chance to sleep later and recover from the 5am awakening and attendant Issues ( Teenage Business again ). Mist and drizzle from the window so back to bed until 8 with half an hour of Carol Shields to get me back to sleep .

felt like a day to celebrate no work , so cooked mushrooms and bacon and toast as well as the usual Rachel's coconut yoghurt ( from Hexham , we can't get it round here ) and strong black coffee from the new machine . The cats swarm as usual and the guinea pigs squeal with glee as the fridge is opened . Kitty , our tortoiseshell ThunderThighs is furious as Waitrose food is on offer , forgetting that she rejected Pearl Gourmet last week . She barges at bare legs and throws backward hisses over her shoulder but it cuts no ice .

At nine we brave the chill outside and do the usual Fish Quay run , this time with the camera in tow and are rewarded by the arrival of two imposing ferries right in front of us as we ride along the edge with no barrier .

A few minutes later we are in front of the Priory , castle ruins and I stop for a breather ( steep hill ) on pretext of taking some pictures . I hate the fact I struggle with those tiny hills just now , hopefully not for long . The picture of the castle was meant to be here but there you go

MR2

The car I just got used to drving when mine was off the road ... and now its failed its mot and is about to bite the dust .
That patch on the road isnt an oil leak either, it's water after a heavy fall of rain .

Pug Puppy

N is desperate to have a pug puppy . A few of her friends have dogs now , all acquired in the last year or so , and she describes how they all take them out religiously every morning before school and the only reason N herself stays in bed right up till the last possible minute and beyond is because there is nothing to get up for . Of course , with that puppy in place everything would be different . I point out that we rarely see her these days , she is always hanging around with her friends who knows quite where , but apparently most of the friends ( two of them at least ) take their dogs with them and they sleep with them , train them feed them brush them!
As the days pass , the pug puppy begins to turn into the panacea for all ills and would improve all aspects of her functioning , her homework would get done , she would do this and that blah blah .

I resist all discussions for days . We cant have one . We have four cats . The cats are used to a queit life . The cats would hate them . I dont want another dog . After Jasmin I was determined we would have no more .
Finally , proud of my resolve , I call upon Google and sneak a look at a page of pug pupppies , then quickly look at some breeders sites .... £ 1200 .... Surely not ! My Birman kittens went for £350 or thereabouts and are Far Superior in every way . But then again ..... I find myself logging on again and reading about the breed personality ,and before I know it pug puppy has become Pug Puppy in my mind and I hear myself mentioning the fact that N would like one when we meet my mother for coffee at Kirkharle courtyard , a favourite Saturday morning haunt . " Mm " she says noncommittally , trying to carry on the pretence that its nothing , just a passing fancy .( She could not imagine life without her dogs . )

Later in the day N brings my purse to me to give her some money to buy some new school trousers as her old ones "have stretched " , a thing mine never seem to do , and oh poop , she catches me looking at Pug Puppy pictures , little grumpy faces from all angles

Mum , she yells , I KNOW you want one ! And I HEARD you telling Grandma about them too .
Why do teenagers shout everything out loud so the whole world knows your secrets .

Mm indeed .

Freddie's Funeral

Started work on yet another court report at seven knowing I would struggle to get it all done in the day as there was a meeting I needed to go to in Darlington later .... from inside, a lovely day , sunny and bright . By 8 45 took the bike down to the fish quay , the wind was not apparent through the windows , hard work pedalling along to the ferry landing . So much goes on down there .. cycling back along past the shops with their blackboards outside advertising their stuff , much of it home made or home cured or home whatever , the wind at my back I could have been on a Greek island . Wrapped up in a fleece with a gortex over that I was as warm as I would have been in a vest top in full sun , and the sun sparkling off the oily water and later the waves , I could have been anywhere enjoying two weeks of bliss.

Wherever we live now it seems we all live CityLives , seeing nothing except the inside of our homes , our offices , department stores and the occasional pub , hotel or restaurant .
Wonderful to be in a different life which plays out not ten minutes from my house and yet rarely seen by me anyway . On a bike you swish past the shops with wet fish in the doorways and patches of oil mingled with twists of fish guts , close enough to really see the fisherman standing in the alley ways talking and sometimes drinking from a can as they go off after the night shift .

After the quay the wind blows me along the river as it opens to the sea , the waves splash against the walls and I plan the rest of my report .

They buried Freddie on this day , in the afternoon .

Pulling up at the kerb tonight at six pm I spied an elderly lady watching my approach and obviously ready to have words with me . Tall and genteel with elegantly set hair , yet somehow I knew she wasnt just going to talk about the weather or ask me to look after the cat . Recalling encounters years ago with Mrs L who frequently came out onto the road to complain about her husband , I smiled and then looked away but before the car had fully come to a halt she stepped off her perch on the pavement , and pulled open my car door . ( Goodness me what price personal space ) . She immediately launched into a tirade of words ( well , yes , there now , you see ) so I said Are you all right ? fearful even as I spoke that she might clout me one .

No , I'm not , she said , firmly , Ive had enough of you pulling up to the kerb with your dark glasses on and telling me nothing of anything I need to hear , you're saying nothing at all of anything .

Oh ! I said . Im sorry .
Anything else would have sounded inflammatory I think .

Im sure there are people all over who would agree with her , though how she knew how little I have to say , beats me .

And at that she stalked off up the road .

I collared one of the neighbours later who recognised my description and promised to have a word with her sister whom apparently she might have been looking for .

3rd May

Yesterday Freddie died at quarter to six pm . The previous morning the picture at the top of the website was changed to a tranquil scene of a waterfall over rocks and with pale flowers at either side . Overall feeling that his pain is gone , over . And a feeling that none of us can anticipate how we might feel in his parents’ situation , or in any situation other than our own .

At around the same time I had been reading a distressing letter ( day job , where I am reducing my hours ) . None of these things mean anything , or much and long may that continue .
Such an amazing thing that I came across Freddie s life , the blog , his story and his parents story , which perhaps would not have happened had I not been ill myself and had time to pursue it .
So many trivial everyday things I could write , but I don't want to detract .

A new CatCall inquiry on the machine so leave a message and hope they get back to us.
D's car , the automatic which I need a hoist to get in and out of , and which I've only just learned to drive since Steve was looking after mine , has failed its MoT today and would reportedly need a four figure outlay to weld back together etc . I quail as he flicks through a car magazine and looks at cars-which -can-go-really-fast and I panic about his next speeding ticket .