Good omen ?

Every morning we follow the same procedure , which involves dropping a newspaper through our lovely neighbour Bett s door . Alice trots up the garden path and sniffs about her garden checking for cat smells and whatnot as we post the paper . This morning she stopped and blew out curiously at something on Bett's garden path ... Wow ... look at this Alice has found a duck egg right in the middle of a seaside garden ! the egg was broken and smelly , its innards clearly addled . Bett appeared and we all stared in amazement . Too big to have been delivered by one of the many neighbourhood cats , one of which was clambering up into Bett's arms as we spoke . A fox was considered , we often see and hear urban foxes but there was no tell tale smell of fox .
We decided that as Bett is such a wonderful person the egg was left there as a precious gift , some kind of good omen . And went on our way .

Later , I received a letter . I won a tenner on the lottery . Maybe the message was for me .

Seagull Splatt

My car is still semi knackered due to an excess pouring in of oil when in fact oil was not required . I mis read the warning lights in a mild panic at the side of the road on Wednesday night but then I was on the side of a dual carriageway with CatCalls awaiting me ( two delightful cats with a hefty litter tray ) , a migraine chugging away in the background trying to rise above the Topamax and rain threatening in the rush hour traffic .

Admit it , it could happen to anyone . I pay the AA two hundred pounds a year to come and rescue me in such circumstances but when the head is banging one really cannot face a stranger with his kindness and his questions and having to put together a coherent sentence and be polite sometimes defeats me .

So instead I called D and like the knight in shining armour he is , he rolled up bearing oil and with the dog in the back of his car ( a strict no-no due to his smart leather seats and said Dog's long pointy claws ) and following my instructions and without questioning my belief that the light which had ignited was the oil warning light , poured in oil .

He then handed me the book which explains what the lights mean and I realised that it was indeed a "toxic fumes warning light"... oh poop. However as the oil had disappeared down the tubes D confirmed that the car did indeed need it , so as I drove home at a snail's pace and the car was still chugging and sputtering and refusing to rise above thirty mph , asked him to add more . He gallantly took me the rounds of my CatCalls , poured in oil , checked levels later and looking rather anxious stated that now we seemed over rather than under the limit .

Car was then handed over to mobile mechanic , who discovered a coil pack was the issue , fixed it and didnt mention oil .

Today , car was booked in to Renault dealers to have mirror fault recall rectified . Apparently it is likely to set car door on fire if this is not fixed ( though has not done so in previous five years ? ) , but whilst Renault folks had the car in their grasp they kindly did a " safety check " and now tell me my car has twice the required level of oil in it blah blah . Yes yes I say wearily and D says Yes yes , a mistake .

The point of this rather wearying tale is that Nat and I get to take D' s rather dashing little car out with us when we go shopping for her suitcase for her upcoming holiday to Europe's finest destinations . Regular blog readers will recall my difficulties with the automatic transmission of his previous sporty car , but Nat is in control now and manages to multi task , calling her chums on my mobile while issuing instructions at the same time as I gingerly stare at the- thing- which resembles- a- gear- stick ...

" No Mum .... No ..... D not P when you want to move forwards P means park not drive ...... " in a soothing yet warning voice ...... Sorry Paige just sorting my mum out here ...... "

Its a while since I have driven this particular car . I love it and am actually quite keen on it but there is this tendency to scrape the wheels ( sorry alloys ) and recently D has taken to chauffering me round if there is a need rather than simply handing over the keys . But today Nat and I needed some bonding time , and this was achieved in delightful fashion over a huge pink glitter suitcase , a mango frappucino in Starbucks and a quick drive poseur style along the seafront just in case any of her pals should be out .... ( or mine come to that ) .

Happy Days .

And to think it was only six hours ago that a massive seagull splatt narrowly missed landing on my head in the village . What a portent !

Pema Chodron post ! Oh NO !

Oh NO !
Idly flicking through my own post ( who does that ... what a saddo .... ) I realised the names of the books were highlighted at Amazon . I clicked and Guess what ? Had a I written about them , then purchased, I could have obtained a used copy at Amazon for £2 something very little . pah ! I paid something sky high like £ 8.99 . Times two books means almost twenty quidlets . Not that I'm a cheapskate or anything . But pah and double pah !

My car has just cost £ 116 and several pence for a new coil pack .
Oh well , its just money and as I must remind myself , If I re read Esther and Jerry Hicks , all you have to do is Ask and You will be Given , metaphorically if not in real shiny notes .
Though those might come in handy as well , sometimes .

Pema Chodron , This Week

Last Sunday we head for Silverlink. It is the usual story . My sister is staying for the weekend and part of the deal is that living on a farm she doesnt get many shopping opportunities .

Harvey needs new trainers . This comes up about every four weeks ( Teenage girls and boys are so different ; girls "need" shoes frequently but its a different kind of need . Harvey really does need them , but he certainly doesnt " want " them , and he definitely does not want to go shopping for them with his mother and his auntie whom he regards as the flip sides of two particularly boring coins when it comes to this particular monthly excursion .

Today may not be quite so bad though as at least he has his mate with him .

The trip goes amazingly well and I am soon in Borders looking for a new Patrick Gale novel .

Thwarted( where are all the Patrick Gale books , where ? ) , on a whim I purchase two Pema Chodron books , ignoring my resolution to use the library at all times ( I have been sticking to this , honest ) thus keeping my visa card firmly in my bag .In a nutshell , the visa card is in the machine before I can say "need " and "book".

And this is after all Pema Chodron , so helpful to me in former times ( how I adore that phrase , which I first learned from my German penfriend Zita who used it in almost all of her letters to me circa 1970 to 1975 , when it seemed to drop from use , thus I took it up instead ) .

I first read " When things fall apart " when things were indeed falling apart for me , and I read it and read it and re-read it and haven't really stopped reading it . Then I moved onto " Start where you are " and ... I digress . Who cares about all this ?

I'm talking about this week nownot five or so years ago , or I should be . Dulwich Divorcee has got me thinking about my past after I found her blissful blog last night . I recommend it to everyone . ( see my comments if you need a link )

So , this week .

I started reading Pema Chodron's 2004 offering " The wisdom of no escape " on Monday and it made such perfect sense that , given that at the time I was headache free I was able to start to believe that indeed , this is exactly how it should be .

Suffering from a modicum of Topamax induced aphasia as I do ( notwithstanding my tendency also to digress ) I cannot outline in a simple blog post the basic tenets of Buddhism but there is something exquisitely true about Chodron's writings .

This life that we have , is the perfect basis for our reflections . We need not wait for the right relationship , more money , better health , the best possible situation to come along .

We can start right now , as someone living with pain , in suffering , with bad health , in a crappy place in whatever respect and just use that as the springboard for doing what we need to do to make sense of it all , to practice what we need to practice , if youre getting my drift . ( And I accept that you may not be . I'm not even sure I am . )

Tuesday I had an almost complete day without any headache or migraine . Keeping the diaries as I am now for the research this is quite a rare occurrence . Wonderful .... I skipped into the office feeling like I was floating and wondering if I ever felt this good in the past. Did I appreciate my life before ? Was I really ever completely aware of how wonderful and light and just how free the head feels when there is no thumping going on in there , when the eyes are seeing straight , when the banging is absent , when there is no sickness blurring everything and .... well you get the picture . Was I ? Did I ? I doubt it . I was probably far too busy moaning about something else , or wishing I could something different .

Tuesday also I had a message from home telling me a small package had arrived from me and an envelope from the National Lottery . How intriguing !

Clearly the first was the Piggy toenail clippers I had ordered online and the second ; had I not quite by chance read in the Times that the winning numbers had not been claimed I might have had half a day imagining I had won a tenner !

Either way I was far more excited about Piggy toenail clipping .

But as it all came crashing back down around me with a boiling in my head by Wednesday night it becomes harder and harder to accept anything at all .

I ask myself how do people who live with constant unrelenting pain do it ? If the pain is in your head , so you cannot think , how do you keep going ?

I keep going because it isn't every single day . Because with a variety of medications I can still live a life and work and have a laugh and read my endless books and dream my dreams .

Footnote : It was the Piggy toenail clippers . And lovely they are too .

I didn't win the lottery .

And my car packed up big style on the way home on Wednesday .

But today my head is better and I had a sausage sandwich in the wine bar with Alice taking up residence in the doorway , by way of celebration . The trick is to make the most of the good days ?

Keira's got balls

Sunday morning at the sailing club . We settle down to watch as a crowd of university types appear to pull a boat out of the water using the line up with a rope and pull hard method . The sun is shining and we have time on our hands , me , my sister and D . Alice rests quietly on the sand , trying to catch up on lost sleep as there are too many of us at home and too few sofas . She is lacking sleep . Greyhounds need 23 hours per day as she keeps trying to remind us and she is running dangerously near empty . She can function on 22 but after that its a close call . There have been teens sprawling all over her territories for days and she is close to snapping point . Meanwhile we are enjoying the sun and the water lapping at the shore and the feeling that the teenagers are all still asleep , and rather idly hoping that just possibly there will be a comedy moment when the rope will snap and some of the boat pullers will fall in a line rather like dominoes . I have my camera at the ready . We half heartedly contemplate offering to help but know instinctively that its a case of too many cooks etc etc ..... Meet Charlie. Charlie is the black terrier who appears in the first picture , accompanied by a rather lovely Keira Knightley lookalike , who is towing two toddlers and a plastic truck on a stick . Me , my sister and D are all envious of that truck , in particular of that stick . In our day , we towed our children on their trucks on bits of string or rope and a precarious and tedious , indeed backbreaking job it was at times . But Keira sails along with her children , and it looks so easy and ,truly , we are happy for her . And here is Charlie , who is the double of my sister's terrier Grommit , one of Alice s best mates , and Charlie bustles into the picture and heads towards the action and cocks his leg as boys do and paddles about and has some fun and chases a few stones and watches as the toddlers fight over their truck as toddlers do even if their mum does look like a film star , and hang on what is this , here is a little female cocker spaniel wiggling happily over to Alice and we watch lazily with half an eye on the boat action ( the boat trailer wheels are now well and truly caught behind a large ramp ) , and Alice is thinking of making friends , and hey up Charlie has snelled a rat and his whole face is a quiver and he is there and his nose is up and under her tail and before we can say " he likes the smell of her bottom " he has mounted her from behind as naughty little terriers do , and the little spaniel's owner has noticed and is running at some considerable speed towards the action as Charlie is wasting no time and oh look Keira has noticed too and is making her way towards us . Alice is still lying down ( after all she is quite exhausted ) , and we watch with interest as Mr Spaniel Man is clearly quite cross , and we imagine that Keira will be mortified . But none of it .... she strides over purposefully as Mr S shouts loudly at Charlie and dislodges him efficiently with his suede shoe .... remaining perfectly pleasant and civilised she states very clearly " Your dog is in heat isnt she ? " . It is not exactly an accusation . It does not say , your dog should not be out , tantalising poor Charlie and his wayward private parts .........and yet ........ Mr Spaniel is completely caught off guard . " Well he stumbles . " Up till now I didnt think she was " " well, I think now you know she is " . Keira is now in full control , but still smiling pleasantly , cheekbones flashing . I am in awe .Does this level of confidence , of balls , of being completely able to resolve a situation in seconds with a smile directly correlate with the wearing of a leather cap worn at just the right angle ? Of being six feet tall and with a body mass index more generally seen in Vogue magazine ? Whatever it was it was wonderful , and if I ever have a boy dog who goes out on the sniff I shall remember how it was done . I'll let you know if I manage to carry it off ?

Letter to BobbiJo

I mentioned a few days ago that Joan one of my regular commenters was back from her holidays but had some things going on . Joan had e mailed me that her beloved guinea pig BobbiJo was very unwell , that she was at home with them for a couple of days but they were in a process of saying their goodbyes .

Joan has asked me to post these photos of Bj again and to include a letter she has written for her :

Dear Bobbijo With a tear in my eye and an ache in my heart I write about your life,We saw an advert in a shop widow ' 2 guinea pigs for sale, unwanted present ' I went with a friend to collect you both, and with paws soon under the table we named you 2 sisters bobbijo and Thelma louise (Lou), Your sister was bigger than you, bit of a bully! but you loved each other, (I remember when Lou had a poorly eye you used to lick it better for her) Soon after you arrived the run became detached and we lost you for a hour, we were frantic, we finally found you in the a flower bed! At the age of 2 Lou got sick and overnight she died lying beside you, The vet thought you may die of grief, but you flourished, with a unique character, a proper little girl, that loved snuggling up and chatting with us, you loved us all but preferred your dad (tolerated Mark!) and would walk from my lap to your dads!! You loved chin tickles (Mark was best at that!) but didn't like anyone touching your paws!, your favourite foods were cucumber, baby carrots ( had to be chantery ones) and dandelions, and spent lazy summer days in your run,You had a favourite cushion (declined any other one) and a little wooden (well chewed) house.When I was poorly with my heart, your dad used to bring you up to me and you would snuggle up, to make me feel better, you gave us so much love, a sparkle in your eyes that would melt any heart,Then at the age of 6 the vet found a nasty tumour in your tummy, you lost that sparkle in your eyes (and so did we) We knew when it was time to let you go, (and I think you did too) spent your last hours on dads lap, before mom took you on your final, dignified journey, I held you in my arms to the very end and let you fall asleep.now your little house is empty and so are we,But do you know bobbijo, when we look up into a cloudless night sky, and see the brightest star we can all sayNite nite bobbijo.

Food intolerances and Migraines .....the things I gave up so far

I haven't done this in ages .... Ive given up all cakes that contain eggs .

I'm hoping the research programme I've applied for will accept me , and via that I will find out which foods I may ( or may not ) be intolerant to . ( migraines)

And that way I might discover that I gave up scones and cakes for nothing . ( oh please )

So far I stopped eating them to avoid eggs but I still have headaches ..... ( and it's done nothing for my general fitness or weight so far as I can see ...... !! ) . So it would be good to know .

I still use the occasional coffee .....

If that proved to be one of my things , well that would be a test .