Big Brother started last night ?

Sorry , I'm not into it yet .... just leave me with my cushion .....

" Don't call me a stupid bitch "

My sister informed me yesterday that one of her acquaintances was delighted to have succesfully prosecuted a stranger who called her a stupid bitch when she caused him some minor irritation in passing . Floating as I was above LaLa land and thus not frenetically engaging in my day to day activities , I had time to revel in this little piece of justice and ponder on times past when I have had to deal in my own ( rather pathetic , but the only way I could think of at the time ) way with men( some men I should say ) and their profanities .


One hot summer's day last year , whilst attempting to cross the road within the confines of a busy car park in Hexham , I crossed one lane of traffic and waited in the centre of the road till the road was clear to cross the second lane of traffic , a fairly common practice .
Under the influuence of medication I may have been , deep in thought , yes possibly , I usually am , but fit to cross a road ? Yes , I have no problems in this respect yet thank you very much ...... !

Anyway I was then standing waiting to meet someone by the side of the road when a large four by four jeep screeched alongside me window down and a thick necked man proceeded to hurl abuse at me
" Can you tell me exactly what you think you were doing standing in the middle of the road you stupid effing cow?"
only of course he used the full word starting with the f which for some reason today I don't feel in the mood for typing . ( Some days I would ... ) .... and with that off he screamed, his tyres raising a cloud of dust and his jeep caning it off round the car park .

I stared after him , shaking my head in amazement , my guts churning first in shock and then bemusement and then ... Hmmm , this I have to deal with . ...

( Readers , Now I would consider the police option , but that at the time did not occur to me ... )

He had not in fact driven far .... I watched where he parked and it looked as if he like me was waiting to meet someone , so I walked slowly round to where he was sitting , and tapped on the passenger window .
I felt this gave me a slight advantage as he was forced to lean across to hear what I was saying and he couldn't reach to ( for example ) strike me should he wish to ( in the event of my completely infuriating him , which I thought was a possibility .)

I spoke very slowly , as though to give the impression I may have some kind of speech or other impediment unspecified , and and whilst he was rolling down his electric windows I had a good peer in at him , stretching my neck forwards . He looked somewhat unnerved ... perhaps thinking oops madwoman alert ....

" Hello , I think you were just screeching at me back there . Was there something you wanted ? "

He seemed a bit taken aback , caught on the hop as it were , " You were standing in the middle of the road ."

" Yes, I was waiting to cross, in the centre . It's a recognised method of crossing the road . You seemed to want to know something about me and why I was doing it that way ? I ve come over to tell you ...

I've actually had quite a difficult month of it one way or another and I wonder if you might like to hear something about some of that ......."

Here my voice is slowing even more and I'm talking even more like I'm about to go into my life history including details of a few psychiatric illnesses or perhaps .something involving the perimenopause ...... ( Now I think I loook quite sane but ..... ) .. one thing I'm picturing is that this is a man who is not open to listening about women droning on about themselves ......

His neck is starting to go bright red .
He shifts in his car seat and I wonder what his next move will be ?

" You seemed to be wanting to talk to me .... you were very angry and shouting . Well that's not helpful to me when I've actually just had a death to deal with and I've just had the news that ....

" Look , he says ....... lets just leave it shall we ? "

" Leave it ? " I say , feigning disappointment
"Are you sure ? "

He winds up his car window in a hurry and starts the engine .......

I know , I know . Not the most effective way to manage the situation , but how I smiled as he drove off . Notwithstanding the traumatic week or so I had had , hey .... why shouldn't I have a bit of a laugh .......

Interesting thought that we take it for granted that strangers can harras and alarm us and we have no recourse to justice when in fact that may not be the case .
Hence my sheer delight that my sister's friend was able to see the man who maligned her brought to justice in a court of law .

Floating Just above LaLa Land

The 8 am dog walk is tortuous .
Aluce and I trudge about in the grass , looking at each other through the sea fret , our plans to sit out in the garden and sample the delights of hazelnut muesli and strong black coffee on the new garden bench completely thwarted . First there is the lack of sun . Second there is the damp haze clinging and foisting itself on us . And finally there is the banging in my head .

All week I have floated about slightly above LaLa land in a haze of pills designed to keep me going , to get me about my day to day business , but today I am ready to admit defeat and as we approach the house together and Alice heads for her Bonio and her sofa and I peel off my boots all covered in wet grass clippings and sand I realise this is the day nothing much will get done and I head back upstairs and there is the bed all covered in cats and nothing to stop me clambering aboard .....

Fairytale Garden

Feeding the birds last week on a CatCall , I know the quality of the photos is not good but at times there was a troop of takers for Felix cat food put out for Mr Blackbird and his family , and much squabbling over the spoils , with two grey tabby cats watching on from the sidelines , though you wouldn't think it from the behaviour of the birds . At times I was literally three feet from Mr B , and the cats were two feet from one of the pigeons .
Happy days .
This week its raining .
No CatCalls either ! Oh well can't have it all ....

Oh the embarassment the humiliation

Saturday .

I am completely knackered after what seems an exhausting round of "Day Job with extra days here and there", of driving to conferences on my days off ( well worth the effort ) , lots of CatCalls ( exactly what I want ) , lovely weather for dogwalking , friends to meet , people wanting me to do this and that , house needing attention , finances needing to be fixed etc etc .

We all do it ... anyway , having decided Saturday was to be a day of d

Doing Nothing , a friend e mailed and said what are you doing and I mail back and say Nothing , I'm taking a day off , just a few catcalls , the dogwalk , popping out to get a garden bench to fit the little space at the front ( so we can sit out there with the Pigsters in their run instead of in the back where they're not on grass , plus we can chat to passers by out front , ) then I have to make a batch of chocolate brownies to take when we go visiting later , Oh and

I've cleaned the bathroom and wonders of wonders done some upstairs cleaning as well ..... ( showing off by this point ) .

..... The point of all this is by three pm , brownies in hand I am ready either to fall asleep on my feet or to escape to the country, the coast having sea -fretted over , perhaps due to the arrival of our garden bench , guaranteed to chase the sun . As we unloaded it in unwieldy fashion , watched by several passers by , several made comments as the clouds appeared and the sun disappeared .

As we drive inland , the sun re appears and we are greeted warmly in Stamfordham by all and sundry . My parents have an old family friend staying and Marjorie , who lives in Urmston near Manchester has not seen Nat since she was perhaps two or three years old . Nat has no recollection of her .

Marjorie's husband Geoff was my Dad's friend from RAF days and he is much missed by all since he died some eight or nine years ago .

Alice loves visiting , especially when there is food on offer , and rushes around the house checking all available sources for goodies .

Although to our knowledge she has never raced as a greyhound , she certainly will always run in circles given a choice , and loves nothing better than to run in mad loops round the garden , tearing up chunks of the lawn as she corners , bending and weaving to avoid the obstacles , bird baths , swingball , the frogpond , and the like . As she races , the two resident (and one rather elderly )papillons look on from the sidelines with distaste , yapping furiously , occasionally minded to join in for half a circuit but usually bolting as they are trodden underfoot .

As the sun lowers and the conversation turns to things of the past , me my mother and Marjorie all sit squished on a bench together , taking the occasional photograph and laughing as we watch Alice . Unable to settle for long she is mooching about the garden having long since exhausted herself with her running . She pokes about amongst Dad's numerous projects , the composting systems , the nose of a plane I note in the far corner of the garden , and emerges from a distant corner of the garden behind an old shed laced with cobwebs.

Ten circuits are usually enough for her and she has long since fallen to the ground panting and seeking out the shade , the cat having scarpered to the top of the tree for safety's sake as usual .

But as we watch , the cat seems to fluff up in the tree , seems to bristle with annoyance over something , almost as if some thought of empowerment has popped into her mind and taken hold .

. She begins to pick her way down the trunk , marches over to where Alice lies snoozing , strides purposefully at the dog and picks jauntily at her tail . Alice struggles to her feet in alarm , glances towards us in horror and Whoosh , she is off , takes off round the race track she has created in her head . The three of us look on in complete amazement and then in denial and then in hysterical laughter as Alice races and the cat gives chase , tail the size of a bottle brush , eyes like saucers and a truly puerile look on the face . Alice glancing back over her shoulder from time to time as if wondering whether she ought to change direction and give chase but the fear in her eyes .....

The cat clearly does not have the speed of the greyhound so attempts to cut corners , crossing in front of her causing the dog to speed up even further to pass by as it seems to be outwith Alice's imagination to turn tail , she merely continues on and gets faster .

The cat ( Minnie , though there is nothing mini about her in this scenario) is in hot pursuit yet makes it look easy and as if she is having a sort of fun , a sort of unsavoury, gratuitous fun , the culmination of months of having been pushed to the top of a tree by a stupid greyhound no doubt .

Finally Alice worn out by her ten or so circuits , can go no further , drops near our feet , and then , the wierdest thing .

She stares at us in real anguish and sets up an unearthly high pitched shrieking , chittering teeth , chattering sort of noise whilst staring at the cat which has parked itself about two feet from her , safely under the bench upon which the three of us are seated . It is as if the dog cannot cope with her feelings of intense humiliation , fear , anxiety , whatever , and just has to let them out .

As ever after exercise of any sort , greyhounds being very very fast but lacking stamina , her chest is heaving and my mother fears she will drive herself into a heart attack so she speaks reassuringly to her about the horrid cat and that we will tell no one about this awful scene and that she must calm herself down . Alice listens carefully , gives the cat a final Look and flops .

The cat is victorious .

Recycling ...?

From the Times today London Zoo's new exhibits are priceless rubbish - Times Online

of course what excited me was that I saw the second picture ( as they appear here ) , as a Tapir , my favourite of all time creatures at this present time , due to my propensity to impersonate them in times of crisis , and to just like them at other times . In fact , apparently , its an anteater . Maybe theyre quite cute too .

I think that maybe someone needs to do a Rescue Greyhound from used plant pots ( I'm thinking Bill and Ben the Flowerpot Men here ).

Just look at that Tapir thing though , isn't that just so cute ..... ?

Joan is Back

Joan is back from her holidays in Northumberland where she has been visiting her son and has sent two photographs taken with her new camera , entitled Rainbow Arch and Early Morning at Lower Newton . Well worth clicking on the pictures to enlarge . The beach reminds me of our day trip there a few weeks ago when Alice went crazy and had a lovely day on the same spot . Great to see Joan back ....

Today was a bit different on the Alice front . There are days when she really doesnt fancy a walk . It may have been the slight dampness in the atmosphere when she ventured out after a lie in , at seven . She sniffs the air gingerly as she prances her way down the yard , looking back over her shoulder at me all the way , as in " Do I have to go ? " " Really ? " Reaches the bottom of the yard , turns to look at me full on , then before squatting , hesitates one final time as if " Cant I just do it on the carpet ?" Her normal modus operandi , ie on a dry day , is so so different , stretching fully then hurling herself at full pelt , squats , checks youre watching , flies back in , then stands at the hall cupboard door for her Reward .

So this morning , post wee , all breakfasted , whiskers wiped on her duvet , she' s back on the sofa and she hears D start mentioning the time of the morning walk with me . I am early at work so wont be accompanying . She glances at us , at the window ( rain ) and pushes her head firmly under the dusky pink suede effect cushion . She wriggles her body , pushing further . If Im right in under this cushion , and no one can see my head , I'm not really here , and there will be No Walk .

I go about my morning preparations , breakfast tray , coffee , ironing , collecting reports , packing bag , etc etc . Dog stays quiet . No movement . D is on his pc in his office . Then for some reason as I plan to leave some word is mentioned that interests her . She forgets that she is In Cognito and the head raises , cushion perched on top . She looks like a Turkish Sultan and as we reach for the camera she becomes embarrased and remembers what this is about . Avoiding the Walk . Down goes the head , and the cushion . Silence , Stillness . There is no dog . No walk .