I'm thinking a lot at the minute and that makes it hard for me to write . Its also unusual for me .(Ha!) The canooist story has set me off on a train of thought about what are the universal things we all crave , we all like to ponder on , all enjoy reading about . The canooist story for those of you who who arent in the UK is the story of a local man from the north east who sailed off in his canoo some seven years ago and didnt re appear , was missing , declared dead at an inquest some thirteen months later ( quite a short time as these things usually pan out ) , his wife appears to have cashed in some insurance policies and got on with life , continuining to live and work locally until a few weeks ago when she up and moved to Panama , apparently on a whim after a holiday there , and after a flurry of financial acivity when she sold both of her properties .
Earlier this week her " dead " husband showed up at a police station in London saying " I think I'm missing but I've lost my memory so I'm not sure " . Both of the couple' s sons interestingly also gave up their jobs recently .
And the final twist , a photo of both Mr and Mrs has been found on a website for happy families relocating to Panama , purporting to have been taken last year . Last Year ! When he was still missing ! And his father , and sons , still ( allegedly ) grieving him ? All very wierd .

But the point of my ponderings is the occasional universal attractiveness of the idea of disappearing , to a new life . I guess its the stuff of Holidays . Our plans to go somewhere different , see new things , leave the phones behind , wear different clothes , eat new food , exchange everything in fact ......

And yet , at 5 30 am , as I stand in my kitchen , emptying the dishwasher , I ponder my routines and how much I love " all that " . I love the fact that Alice wakes me at the same time each morning . That I come down just as the heating is kicking into action ( and wonder if BetteJo's heating is working ok now , and recall last Christmas when we had no heat and no hot water and I was ill and off work and ..... ) and the kitchen is warm , and Alice stretches hugely , her long skinny legs straightening and clicking and then she bends forwards and then up again then is ready to face the day and I open the door and let her out and at that point , as the Pigs feel the draught of cold air they squeal in annoyance , which changes to glee as they see me coming with their cereal , and as Alice charges at full blast back up the yard and slides along the kitchen floor once her brakes are on and I'm onto the coffee pot stage , enjoying the aroma of the fresh coffee and the ritual of the machine and the noise it makes and then the tussle to keep Alice out of the cupboard where her food is kept whilst I load up her bowl with biscuits then take the chicken out of the fridge .( greyhounds are so strong when they are determined on getting to their treats ). All on a kind of automatic pilot . And the soooner all this is done the sooner I can sit on the sofa and she next to me and I can read blogs at 5 45 am and she can sigh and enjoy relaxing until her walk .
Peace until the rest of the household awakes .
And the day goes on , and where would I be without my routines , the little things built up that I love , that are this life here, now , that unwittingly I create wherever I am and whatever the circumstances .
So I guess that running away to a new life for any of us , would raise the question for me at least , would would that life be . how different would it be , what would I take with me ?

Water bed .....

this great bed and this amazing cat tucked up in the corner where it stays permanently warm .

Ive been free of migraines now for several days , since I started a low dose ( again ) of the topamax and a higher dose of propranolol . Its going fine though my nine pm plus nocturnal commentings are the subject of some family mirth . I go to bed early to read , fall asleep over the book , wake then talk nonsense over anyone who will listen .

Im also very sleepy earlier , so much so thats its hard to keep up with everything I need to do , including the blog , reading blogs etc .

But I will acclimitise .

And its great not to have that awful pain all day every day . At last thats how it was beginning to feel .....

Topping up the water bed

The weekend has been much as last one with much clearing and carrying upstairs , piles of boxes to be shifted , the never ending question of should they be sorted first or stored then sorted ( gradually ) ?. I personally feel that once stored they will be there till doomsday but D can't live with his office in chaos for one more day so doesn't agree . I fear for the feng shui of the house but anyone who knows me or the house knows I dont have much of a leg to stand on feng shui wise ( or any other wise really ) so he is carrying things extensively whilst I sit in his rocking chair ( in transit , waiting to go to Iain's , soon ) making sage comments and watching the dog chewing her bone as I think about the mess and the feng shui and wonder how easy it is going to be to top up the water bed which has a definite deficit in the water levels somewhere or other . After a preliminary discussion this morning with D whilst driving to my sister's( in order to avoid actually doing the task ) I've discovered a thing or two about Baffles ( the intersections in the mattress ) . Also the reason for purchasing the tap connector in order to top up ( my idea , after each time I climb onto the bed on my own , my knees sink onto the wood . This can't be right . Its fine when I'm sharing , with two bodies aboard , we are both laughing ( or rather floating ) but there is definitely not enough water when it's just me . perhaps 'cos Im such a tiny thing , such a feather weight ! Ha! ) I digress. To fill up without it would take hundreds of watering cans .... hundreds of gallons of water being needed .

We now have the tap connector , and could have been filling with the hose this afternoon . But somehow it all seemed too stressful so we went to my sister s instead , where Alice( the stick insect masquearading as Greyhound terrorised their little black terrier Grommit , who seemed however to adore her ( this was their first meet ), and ran about the farm , glancing at sheep and then rushing at Grommit again( who showed the whites of his eyes ) . Finally exhausted , she climbed into one of their cats tiny little fleece baskets , forcing herself into the space which would have suited perhaps a small poodle , legs sticking out and very happy .

I have to run . The hose is here , the tap connector is waiting , and the hot water is at the ready . We are about to fill the bed .

10am this morning ...

The arrival of the stuff from storage and the transformation of the room that was formerly D' s office ....Click on the picture for the full impact ( or not if you cant bear it ) .

But , upstairs there is now a fully functioning water bed as the waterbedman arrived on cue and pumped it full of water . Swings and roundabouts , and I'm sure there will be some other goodies amongst this lot . Some rather fine cutlery is already noted .....

If I dont re appear here , I'm in that bed !

Migraine all day , now no pain thanks to Immigran .
Our bed is now dismantled and re erected in Nats room thanks to D . The floor space under it has been semi cleaned and cleared , and N s mattress on our floor for us to camp out on pending the arrival of the water bed tomorrow .
N still got bug but bravely went to school this afternoon though still not well .

And everything is arriving tomorrow .... whilst the removal men are here I am at the dentist having half a tooth stuck back on .
Wish me luck .
More to the point wish D luck . He hates mess and disarray . I'm more used to it never having really known how to avoid or sort it until he moved in .

Blogging as displacement activity , and Migraine Management

I should be clearing out from under my bed but I really am not in the mood . I had a lovely weekend doing all the sorting and clearing and tidying , or rather I was on the fringes whilst D did it , and making the winter salad and walking the dog excessively , and going to town and blah blah , but I really felt it this morning ... felt like I hadn't had enough weekend and now back to work .
So Im having a rest now and refusing to clear under that bed . Tomorrow will do .

First thing this morning was an emergency appointment at the neurology dept . Not so much an emergency but more of an organised in a rush business .
I waited an hour , reading a migraine magazine and wondering would I want an injection into the head which blocks something , if I was offered . I think not , really , though suppose things are almost bad enough that I'd do anything . then read an article about getting fat hormonally or some such , which said just what Laura did earlier this week , that excercise is the solution . I should be ok then what with all that running about after a fit greyhound .

Then I was seen by the best neurologist Ive seen so far in my neurology career. ... he asked me things and told me things about how it is when I have a migraine that only someone who lives with them would know . Sure enough , he talked about his own experiences and wrote a big list of management strategies for me to take away ,, both acite and preventive strategies , including some new drugs which I will need to get on prescrition , and some stuff available at the supermarket . He also suggested I give the anti epilepsy drugs another whirl despite my beliefs that thats how I ended up ill with chest problems last Winter and this Spring . maybe at a lower dose this time . If I get ill again I can always stop and there are then some new ones I can try .
He also suggested a new Triptan which is in the form of a wafer which dissolves on the side of the mouth unlike my sumatriptan tablets which are wasted if one is already into the puking stage .
So I was there for ages and it all felt worth it . last time I felt I was simply upbraded for over use of triptans ( causing rebound headaches ) but when you are at your wits end with pain its almost impossible just to suffer in silence and ignore your medication thinking well I cant take anything today Ive had three already this month ....Which he of course understood hence the alternate strategies which mean the triptans are the final step on the road rather than the first thing to reach for which Ive been taught by previous doctors ( oh that's unless youve already had your quota ) .
And as a result I feel quite optimistic again , as I usually do when something new is suggested . Each new idea brings the promise of a life with less pain and more normality .
I will get there in the end .

Nat and Emily's cake

Nat and Emily's cake in front of the new storage jars we bought yesterday , to conceal biscuits , crackers and the like from a marauding greyhound .

Yesterday whilst we were out buying them , and some dog walking boots for D , she helped herself to a packet of Special K ( without red berries ) . Its not clear whether she had eaten any , or done more than stuck her snout into the packet , as she seems to colllect food items and line them up near her chair / bed " just in case " starvation sets in later perhaps . Though in the case of the sixteen flapjacks snaffled earlier in the week , they had moved up a notch from the Standby slot and were Gone by the time we were back . Only a plastic tub remained . But she looks so sweet and remorseful when you catch her out hat its impossible to be anything but amused ( and blame yourself for leaving goodies within reach ) . We just didnt realise quite how long her reach was ......and bingo , a packet of Golden Linseeds is added to the mix .