MR2

The car I just got used to drving when mine was off the road ... and now its failed its mot and is about to bite the dust .
That patch on the road isnt an oil leak either, it's water after a heavy fall of rain .

Pug Puppy

N is desperate to have a pug puppy . A few of her friends have dogs now , all acquired in the last year or so , and she describes how they all take them out religiously every morning before school and the only reason N herself stays in bed right up till the last possible minute and beyond is because there is nothing to get up for . Of course , with that puppy in place everything would be different . I point out that we rarely see her these days , she is always hanging around with her friends who knows quite where , but apparently most of the friends ( two of them at least ) take their dogs with them and they sleep with them , train them feed them brush them!
As the days pass , the pug puppy begins to turn into the panacea for all ills and would improve all aspects of her functioning , her homework would get done , she would do this and that blah blah .

I resist all discussions for days . We cant have one . We have four cats . The cats are used to a queit life . The cats would hate them . I dont want another dog . After Jasmin I was determined we would have no more .
Finally , proud of my resolve , I call upon Google and sneak a look at a page of pug pupppies , then quickly look at some breeders sites .... £ 1200 .... Surely not ! My Birman kittens went for £350 or thereabouts and are Far Superior in every way . But then again ..... I find myself logging on again and reading about the breed personality ,and before I know it pug puppy has become Pug Puppy in my mind and I hear myself mentioning the fact that N would like one when we meet my mother for coffee at Kirkharle courtyard , a favourite Saturday morning haunt . " Mm " she says noncommittally , trying to carry on the pretence that its nothing , just a passing fancy .( She could not imagine life without her dogs . )

Later in the day N brings my purse to me to give her some money to buy some new school trousers as her old ones "have stretched " , a thing mine never seem to do , and oh poop , she catches me looking at Pug Puppy pictures , little grumpy faces from all angles

Mum , she yells , I KNOW you want one ! And I HEARD you telling Grandma about them too .
Why do teenagers shout everything out loud so the whole world knows your secrets .

Mm indeed .

Freddie's Funeral

Started work on yet another court report at seven knowing I would struggle to get it all done in the day as there was a meeting I needed to go to in Darlington later .... from inside, a lovely day , sunny and bright . By 8 45 took the bike down to the fish quay , the wind was not apparent through the windows , hard work pedalling along to the ferry landing . So much goes on down there .. cycling back along past the shops with their blackboards outside advertising their stuff , much of it home made or home cured or home whatever , the wind at my back I could have been on a Greek island . Wrapped up in a fleece with a gortex over that I was as warm as I would have been in a vest top in full sun , and the sun sparkling off the oily water and later the waves , I could have been anywhere enjoying two weeks of bliss.

Wherever we live now it seems we all live CityLives , seeing nothing except the inside of our homes , our offices , department stores and the occasional pub , hotel or restaurant .
Wonderful to be in a different life which plays out not ten minutes from my house and yet rarely seen by me anyway . On a bike you swish past the shops with wet fish in the doorways and patches of oil mingled with twists of fish guts , close enough to really see the fisherman standing in the alley ways talking and sometimes drinking from a can as they go off after the night shift .

After the quay the wind blows me along the river as it opens to the sea , the waves splash against the walls and I plan the rest of my report .

They buried Freddie on this day , in the afternoon .

Pulling up at the kerb tonight at six pm I spied an elderly lady watching my approach and obviously ready to have words with me . Tall and genteel with elegantly set hair , yet somehow I knew she wasnt just going to talk about the weather or ask me to look after the cat . Recalling encounters years ago with Mrs L who frequently came out onto the road to complain about her husband , I smiled and then looked away but before the car had fully come to a halt she stepped off her perch on the pavement , and pulled open my car door . ( Goodness me what price personal space ) . She immediately launched into a tirade of words ( well , yes , there now , you see ) so I said Are you all right ? fearful even as I spoke that she might clout me one .

No , I'm not , she said , firmly , Ive had enough of you pulling up to the kerb with your dark glasses on and telling me nothing of anything I need to hear , you're saying nothing at all of anything .

Oh ! I said . Im sorry .
Anything else would have sounded inflammatory I think .

Im sure there are people all over who would agree with her , though how she knew how little I have to say , beats me .

And at that she stalked off up the road .

I collared one of the neighbours later who recognised my description and promised to have a word with her sister whom apparently she might have been looking for .

3rd May

Yesterday Freddie died at quarter to six pm . The previous morning the picture at the top of the website was changed to a tranquil scene of a waterfall over rocks and with pale flowers at either side . Overall feeling that his pain is gone , over . And a feeling that none of us can anticipate how we might feel in his parents’ situation , or in any situation other than our own .

At around the same time I had been reading a distressing letter ( day job , where I am reducing my hours ) . None of these things mean anything , or much and long may that continue .
Such an amazing thing that I came across Freddie s life , the blog , his story and his parents story , which perhaps would not have happened had I not been ill myself and had time to pursue it .
So many trivial everyday things I could write , but I don't want to detract .

A new CatCall inquiry on the machine so leave a message and hope they get back to us.
D's car , the automatic which I need a hoist to get in and out of , and which I've only just learned to drive since Steve was looking after mine , has failed its MoT today and would reportedly need a four figure outlay to weld back together etc . I quail as he flicks through a car magazine and looks at cars-which -can-go-really-fast and I panic about his next speeding ticket .

And finally , Im delighted to report that Teenage Business is now sorted , calm and order are restored and numerous photos have been taken of the cats resting in the laundry basket , taking their morning showers etc .
I managed to get that sunflower photo on the blog , so it shouldnt be too great a leap to get some cats onto what is after all a cat site , though catcalls this week are few and far between .
More great pictures of Freddie on his site . I find myself wondering how he is .